Major Changes

Ok. Let's rewind to the end of February.

I was busy practicing for my audition for the School of Music. I filled out applications, wrote essays, wrote resumes, and made a DVD. It was a ton of work, and felt a little bit like deja vu seeing as it was the third time I was doing this. I went to the audition and did alright, but I didn't think they loved me as much as I had hoped. Then the next day I had my interview. It went OK, but when I left I could just tell I wasn't going to get into the program again.

Then all of March went by, wondering if by some miracle I got in, freaking out that I wasn't ready to be rejected again. I looked at all of the other majors BYU had to offer for when I found out I didn't get accepted, and found a lot that I thought would be really fun. But, still hoping that maybe I would get into the program.

Now I wish this could be one of those stories where I had so much doubt, but it didn't matter and in the end I got what I thought I wanted, but that just didn't happen. Last Monday I found out that I didn't get into the Music Ed program once again. So I set up a meeting with the head of the department that day to talk about why I didn't get in and what I needed to do for applying in the summer. He went over my entire portfolio and told me that since they only accept 12 students a year, my portfolio was good, but not great. He told me that even if I were to apply in the Summer I wouldn't get in. So I sat there in his office bawling while he told me that I just wasn't good enough. Let's be honest, that's a really hard thing to hear and to go through, but I'm very grateful it happened. And I have absolutely nothing against Dr. Broomhead or the Music Ed program. After leaving his office, I ran into the girls bathroom and cried hysterically. I could not even catch my breath. The last time I remember crying like that was when I was little and my mom wouldn't let me play or something (oh, the drama).

Anyway, I regained my composure and walked home, skipping both of my classes for that day. I went straight to my bed and just slept. Then Laura called me and said she would come and pick me up and take me to Michelle's, seeing as I didn't want to hang around Provo that night. So, I went home with her, she picked up some Girl Scout cookies on the way home to help cheer me up. At Michelle's, we had dinner and then I went swimming with all of them and Jake and Laralee's family. It was so much fun, I had completely forgot about not getting in the program.

When we came back, I got online and started looking at other majors to do at BYU. And I started looking into the Music Ed program at USU as my mom told me that my old choir teacher Mrs. Jolley said that would be a great place to go. I couldn't decide if I wanted to do Music and transfer up to Logan or just stay and do something else in Provo. I was having way too many flashbacks of last year when I was debating between BYU and UVU and I just hate having to completely change life plans. It is so stressful and I had no idea what to do. I figured it was going to take me a LONG time to decide where exactly I was going to end up this Fall.

So Laura took me home and on the way home I was talking about the Exercise and Wellness major that I had been researching over the last month and how fun I thought it would be, but I just didn't know if it was exactly what I wanted. As we pulled up to my house, Isaac and Taniel were just pulling into our driveway to come and visit me. Taniel brought me a book about photography for my new camera (another post coming soon). We sat and chatted for a while, and I figured that either my mom or Michelle had told Isaac and so they were coming over to comfort me, but they seemed completely oblivious haha. So I told them the bad news and they talked with me for a while and were very sweet. Then everyone left and I tried to go to bed.

Falling asleep proved rather difficult as my mind was going one hundred miles an hour. I started thinking more and more about my future in college. I realized how much my family meant to me, and how being so close to them helped me. I decided that I could not move up to Logan and be away from them right now. What was I going to do when I was having a bad day and Laura couldn't pick me up with Girl Scout cookies? What if I couldn't just run home and go swimming with my brothers and sisters and have my darling nieces and nephews help me forget that anything was even going wrong with the day? What if I didn't get to have my brother and sister come and visit me and just chat, for no reason? I know there will come a time in my life when I will not be able to live close to my family, but I know that this is not that time.

So, I decided I was definitely going to stay in Provo to complete my undergrad at BYU. One of the things that led me to choosing the Exercise and Wellness major is that I sat in Dr. B's office while he told me that I just wasn't good enough. I have had a lot of heartache over the past 3 years trying to get into this program, and I hated having to hear that I would never be able to do it. Well, I realized that I didn't want to be that person. I don't want to tell people that they aren't good enough, not good enough to be in my program, not good enough to be in my choir, not good enough for the solo, none of it. I want to motivate people. I want people to realize that they are ALWAYS good enough to do the things they want to do.

Also, I LOOOOOOVE music. I always have. Whether it was singing along to the music and dancing in front of the TV so I could see my reflection when I was little, to singing in the shower, to sitting down and playing the piano, to getting banned from Phantom of the Opera for a month since I sang it too much. That was pretty much all I did in High School and it has become so much a part of me. And I'm not going to give up my love for music, but I don't want it to become my chore. I don't want to be in a practice room for 4 hours a day practicing for juries. I want to enjoy it and not make it a stressful part of my life.

So, I went in on Wednesday and declared my major! It was SO simple! All I had to do was sign a piece of paper. I was trying to talk to the adviser for longer because I felt like I had to jump through more hoops, since that was what I was used to. But, I am in the major and I will start classes this Fall. I cannot WAIT! I am so excited for all the classes that I get to take and for all the great things that I will get to learn. It's gonna be a good next few years.

P.S. Sorry this is so long, if you even got to this point haha.